It’s actually kind of obvious…

You start by wanting to be holy. I mean, I already tried to convince you that everyone should want to be holy because being holy is what makes you happy. Now, it’s time to be more specific. You start to become holy by simply wanting to be holy. Put “get holy” on your mental to-do list, emblazon it on your imaginary “Life Goals” poster, and just get in the habit of thinking about “getting holy” as one of the things you do.

Don’t just take it from me. Take it from St. Thomas Aquinas, who was probably the greatest theologian of all time. When answering the question “what do I do to become a saint?” his response was “will it.”¹ That’s Aquinas-speak for “want it and choose to go after it.” And that same truth was discovered by another Thomas 700 years later. Thomas Merton was in the middle of a crisis of vocation and identity when he friend rather bluntly suggested he should be a saint. When Thomas asked his friend how he could do such a thing, the man simply said “by wanting to.” His follow-up argument was also pretty simple:

“Don’t you believe that God will make you what he created you to be, if you will consent to let Him do it? All you have to do is desire it.”²

“Alright, I want to be holy!”

…but then what? Is it just a magical formula, where you just say to yourself “I now want to be holy” and BAM you’re a saint! No, of course not. It starts with desire and making a choice, but if that desire and that choice are genuine, then they will show in your life. It’s kind of like the destination on your GPS. You mark where you’re going – that’s the first step – but actually getting there is the last thing you accomplish. You cover all the miles and take all the turns in between. How you do that? Well, you probably guessed this answer.

You have to P.R.A.Y!

Yeah, prayer really is the answer. You have to pray and pray a lot. But it’s also a great acronym I like to use when talking about the spiritual life. Let’s break that down a bit:

Perseverance

I say it all the time in the confessional and I’ll say it here: When it comes to Christianity, perseverance is the name of the game. If you’re always praying and doing good things for other people and avoiding sin, great! But it can all come to nothing if you give up the first time something goes terribly wrong. And there is the opposite side of that.

If you’re constantly making a mess of things, barely ever praying, and falling into a dozen terrible sins every day, but you keep coming back, keep looking for forgiveness, and keep trying to find the right path, you will succeed. Many a saint and many a great person live a pretty terrible life for a long time before they became holy. As Pope Francis says, “God never tires of forgiving. We get tired of asking for forgiveness.” That is why this one must come first. If you get nothing else right, but persevere in trying to get it right, you will make it. If you want some literary examples of God’s grace seen not in success but in perseverance through failure, read anything by Graham Greene or George Bernanos. I recommend The Power and The Glory especially.

Responsibility

Now, of course we can count on God’s mercy, but we can’t presume it! Perseverance comes first and carries us all the way to the end, but that only applies if we’re actually trying. This one is about that effort. It’s tempting to think that becoming a saint means discovering some secret mission, uncovering some great tragedy and rising to accomplish the noble, holy task that others never though of. Lord knows this temptation gets to me quite a bit. But do not be deceived!

Yes, some extraordinary saints – and many of us ordinary folk – will have special callings and unique tasks to accomplish at different points in our life, but that is not the secret to holiness. Becoming a saint is not riddle to be solved. For the most part, holiness grows in a person in the day-to-day efforts to live life well. Responsibility means acknowledging that, even if it doesn’t seem special or exciting, your place in the world is unique and full of opportunities to love. We can rely especially on St. Therese of Lisieux’s “Little Way” for this one. Doing little thing with great love. It means keeping your word when you give it. It means praying daily because you are responsible for maintaining a relationship with God. It means being kind to friends, family, and co-workers. It means doing whatever job or chores you have and doing them well, not for rewards but because that’s just your responsibility.

Being responsible also means having some kind of plan. We are rational creatures, so we’re not meant to stumble around blindly following instincts and reacting to whatever happens. Yes, we must be detached from our own plans and flexible enough to go where the Lord is leading, but he does not lead us like a mule. In fact, Psalm 32 – one of my favorites – tells us “be not like horse and mule, needing bridle and bit, or else they will not approach you.” In other words, if we abandon our intelligence and free will, no other human being will find that attractive. No, God actually gives us a share in His Divine Plan through the virtue of prudence, which is the habit of making good decisions for ourselves as best we can. The most basic way to do this is to develop what’s called a “Rule of Life.” In fact, you could even replace the “R” in PRAY with “Rule of Life.”

Awareness

Awareness is actually an important counter-point to responsibility. Even though you really do have to take charge of your own life in some way, we must be constantly aware of God’s work in our lives and his guidance. He does not overpower us, but he does want to constantly inform and guide our decision-making. The way that God guides our lives can be very subtle, although he can be quite direct from time-to-time. The ordinary way, however, is for us to be aware of Him. This comes from regular prayer. It comes from being faithful to our religious responsibilities. And, it comes from allowing a little silence into our lives with the express purpose of listening to God. Over time, simply trying to know and love God teaches us to keep Him in mind, to be aware that he is present in our lives even if we can’t always see or feel Him in the way we might like.

But, there is also this wonderful concept called “The Discernment of Spirits.” No, it’s some kind of New-Agey communication with another world. It’s basically an exercise in self-knowledge and awareness that was explained best by St. Ignatius of Loyola. Yes, angels and demons are real and they do do things to lead you one way or the other. They can’t exactly control you or read your thoughts, but they can subtly influence you by trying to slip suggestions into your mind. When they do that, however, there are some ways to tell who a particular suggestion might be coming from. Basically, it boils down to paying attention to how different thoughts and desires affect our inner state. It’s sort of like training yourself to recognize and follow your spiritual instincts. For example, you might get invited to a party but notice that, when you found out, you had this vague sense of unease. You might later notice that your thoughts about the party made you forget about a certain important commitment or just caused you to temporarily forget about God and the spiritual life. Noticing that sense and learning to let it guide your decision (maybe you shouldn’t go to that particular party) is what we call discernment of spirits. There’s more to it, of course, but it’s important that you at least accept the basic premise that God – and his angels – are trying to help you live a good life while the Devil – and his demons – are trying to lead you to a bad one. To really learn more about this concept, I highly recommend the book “The Discernment of Spirits” by Fr. Timothy Gallagher. He breaks down what this discernment is and teaches you how to do it, including lots of wonderful examples and explanations along the way.

Yearning

Here, we are coming full circle back to desire. This is the most basic part of growing in holiness and yet it probably seems like the one most out of our control. To “yearn” for something is “to have a strong or earnest desire” for that thing. So often, our desires seem outside our control, so it might seem a bit unfair to tell you to want something. Well, it is and it isn’t. Yes, we do not have perfect control of our desires, but no, they are not completely outside of our control. How we respond to our desires begins to influence them. Denying ourselves in a reasonable way can decrease a desire. Giving into a desire inordinately can increase that desire. What we choose to expose ourselves to can create desires that were previously non-existent. For example, I didn’t know that I wanted pizza scissors until I saw them but, well, now I do.

So, the real point of this part of the plan is to recognize and develop the desires that are good and avoid feeding those desires that are bad. The most basic point of this is to ask yourself these questions: “Do I give myself the chance to want spiritual things? Do I expose myself to spiritual things so that I can want them? Do I expose myself to too many worldly things? Do I let my lifestyle fill my head and heart with useless desires?” The goal is to not just want to be “good,” but to yearn for God, to deeply long for holiness above all else.

And what if you’re already stuck in the mud of worldly things? What if you don’t want what you’re supposed to want? Simple, you can start by wanting to want the right things. Yes, you can and should pray to God to give you the right desires if you don’t already have them. One of my daily prayers is from a scene in the Gospels where a man asks Jesus for a favor but has some doubts. Jesus rebukes his lack of faith and he responds “I do believe, help my unbelief!” Your prayer should often sound like that: “I do desire holiness, help my lack of desire!”

So, if you want to be holy, remember to P.R.A.Y.

Remember “it is God who begets in you any measure of desire or achievement” (Philippians 2:13).

Footnotes:

1. I cannot find an exact source for this, though it’s a story I’ve heard many times. St. Thomas does say essentially the same thing in his Summa Theologica here, which basically says you have to “will” your last end, which is happiness, which is holiness.
2. Page 261 in Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton.