Holy Family, C December 26, 2021
Fr. Albert St. John the Evangelist, Jeanerette
What does the word “family” conjure up in you? Warmth? Safety? Stress and anxiety? Worry and loneliness? Sorrow and mourning? Family can put us through the full gamut of human emotion and experience. Sometimes seems like more trouble than it’s worth, but family is important. Jesus comes first, but Jesus also tells us that family is important both through his teaching in the Old Testament, through his personal example, and through the teaching handed on to us by his apostle, St. Paul.
Some of you probably perked up at that last one, when St. Paul wrote that wives should be subordinate to their husbands. I’ll get to that, but let’s not shortchange the rest of what we hear today. First consider the basics of family life.
The first point is the one in the Ten Commandments. Honor your Father and Mother. Sirach – our first reading – not only reinforces that we should obey, but embellishes it with why we should do it and what we get in return. Honoring your father forgives sins and makes your prayer heard. Have you asked God for something but felt unheard? Then reflect on how you’ve honored your earthly father. Are you perhaps feeling guilt and shame with past sins? Obviously confession is necessary, but also try channeling that into some act of kindness or honor for your father, even if you think he doesn’t deserve it. And scripture even anticipates what is often a very hard moment in adult life, when your father’s mind fails, “be considerate of him.” Maybe a nursing home is the right choice, but that’s no excuse to then forget about him.
Next, to revere your mother is to “store up riches.” Not money, but spiritual riches. Honoring your mother increases the joy you will experience forever in heaven. Again, whether you think she deserves it or not, she gave you life, God commands it, and scripture promises reward, so honor her.
And yes, for you children, this means obeying your parents. If you think you know better… even if you do know better, obey them. Do you know better that Jesus Christ who is literally God? He obeyed his parents, it says so right here in the Gospel. Now, obviously, do not obey anyone who tells you to sin. And when you are an adult, you do not have to obey your parents, though you must still honor them and try to respect their wishes when possible. And parents do not provoke and over-burden your children. A family is meant to be a reflection of the God’s love and a chance to practice the humility, love, and obedience we ultimately owe to God above all else.
This is hard, I know. St. Paul does too. That’s why he gives us a specific list of virtues before talking about family life: “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.” These same qualities are fruits of the Holy Spirit. In other words, loving family sometimes requires supernatural help. So, get that help! Call upon the Holy Spirit before arguing with your spouse, call upon him before you decide on a punishment for your kids, call upon him when tempted to simply walk away from them all.
And above all, forgive. Our own salvation literally depends on forgiving others even if they aren’t sorry. The number one poison in every relationship is resentment. The only antidote to resentment is forgiveness. Now, this is often a process, an ongoing effort. That’s fine, so long as you do try. Tell God “I want to forgive, help me to forgive” each time those old resentments and wounds bubble up and upset you. The more important and the closer the relationship, the more this matters. Family is the primary place to practice forgiveness, so if we refuse to try it there, we are closing the door to heaven in our own faces.
Now, what’s this about wives being subordinate? This is where it’s helpful to remember that interpreting scripture requires two things: keeping in mind all of Scripture and trusting in the guidance of the Church. Even the command to honor father and mother is repeated in different ways in Scripture. So too, for wives being subordinate, there are two other places in the New Testament where this is said.
One of those is Ephesians 5, which gives us more context. Paul says there to husband and wife “be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s the most important context: husband and wife are mutually subordinate. Paul also doesn’t tell wives to obey their husbands the way he tells children to obey their parents. He also never tells men to control their wives they way he sometimes talks about children. This subordination is something more subtle and nuanced.
In Ephesians, he also compares husband and wife to Christ and the Church. Look at how Jesus treated his apostles. Look at how the Church was subordinate to Jesus. One of the few times Jesus commands his Church is when he orders Peter to let him wash his feet at the last supper. The subordination of a wife is primarily for her to let her husband love her like Christ loved the Church. Strange as that sounds, it is often difficult to have the humility to let someone serve you, to accept their love. This is probably because that service and love are often imperfect, but we must still accept it. And remember, Paul calls for mutual subordination. For the Christian, life is not a competition for power and wealth, it is a competition to humble oneself and serve others. For Paul to tell us to submit is a sign of respect because he is calling us to Christian greatness.
Mary was without sin and Jesus is God, but Joseph is the one charged with leading the family to and from Egypt. Spiritual headship does belong to man, but that means he should be first to serve the family, not just barking orders. And as Pope Pius XI put it, if man is the head, woman is the heart – which of those can you survive without? And men, if Paul is calling for the family to follow our spiritual lead, the challenge is there: are we leading by example, by spiritual integrity? If we call ourselves “father,” remember the heavenly Father we all serve.
Be grateful for a good family. Embrace the cross of a difficult one. Above all, love them. God comes first, but family matters. By becoming human, God the Son became part of our family. How we treat family, then, is part of how we treat God. And what matters more than that?