The Questions of Death

Funeral – Gracie Brasseaux                                                                            August 19, 2019
Fr. Albert                                                                                                        OLPH New Iberia

Gracie. That sweet, sensitive girl in my 3^rd period religion class. Gracie the creative, clever girl with a quick wit. The girl who ended up on the board in class almost every day but also had some of the best questions. The girl confident enough to challenge me but surprised and incredulous when I told her I thought that her voice had potential and she should join the choir. I loved Gracie. We all did. We still do.

And this is probably the hardest homily I have ever preached. I imagine it is no easier to hear. Be not afraid, it ends with hope.

Death raises a lot of questions. I often say that at funerals though this death raises more than most and they are much more poignant. Questions like why? What next? What do I do? Perhaps the worst part is that we won’t have all the answers… we must learn to accept that. Still, there are some answers we can and need to hear.

Why? Probably the biggest question… the one we have the least answers for. Why did this happen? There is no perfect answer. We do know that original sin broke the world and broke our human nature. That brokenness is ultimately behind all the tragedies faced by human beings. Though it’s not much, it might bring some comfort to remember this because it means that death of any kind was not part of God’s original plan. That’s why it feels so unnatural.

It feels all the more so when that death appears to be self-inflicted, adding the question, “why did she do it?” A question we cannot fully answer either. We can, however, reject the wrong answers. In their grief and their anger, some look for a simple answer. They want to say, “she was bullied to death, that’s why.” That is not fair and it is not true. Bullying is an ugly reality that has driven many to terrible things, but it is not the culprit here.

The human mind and soul is very complicated, especially for a teenage girl. In the midst of personal and social change, the chemistry and inner workings of the mind are affected by everything from smartphones to medication. The realities of depression, anxiety, and traumatic events with family and friends cannot be ignored. Resist the temptation to boil it down to one easy explanation. It’s not that simple. Why did she do it? We don’t know.

There is one thing we do know. Gracie made a decision. The wrong decision. This is not about blaming her! But real hope must be rooted in the truth. The truth is we are not exactly sure what Gracie meant to do. We don’t know why she chose to hurt herself. Was it a cry for help, was it a momentary loss of reason, was it…? I don’t know. We can’t know. Out of compassion some will say she had no choice at all. I understand why they say it – the desire to make it easier to accept – but that is not fair to the people still here, to those who think about doing the same thing. It tells them they are powerless. That is not true! To anyone who struggles with this temptation, with the thought of doing the same thing, hear me. You do have a choice. You are not powerless. Do not face it alone, but you do have a choice. Depression is a disease that needs treatment, so don’t feel guilty! But you do have a choice not to hurt yourself, to get help. The choice Gracie made, no matter the reason, is always the wrong one.

Which makes us ask this question: What next? What next for Gracie and for us? Will there be peace? Hear me. No one except God knows the soul of another. God is the judge. And God is merciful. We don’t know all the factors, but he does. We don’t know how much Gracie’s struggles affected her ability to understand what she chose. We don’t know what decisions she made after this decision. God knows. We do know that she was given the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, which can forgive sins. We know that we prayed very hard for her. God is merciful; the Gospel tells us he forgave the criminal on the cross at the last instant of his life. We can hope that Gracie has found peace despite her decision, not because of it. It is not a guarantee. It is not a risk anyone should take, but we do have real hope that God’s mercy overcame this terrible choice anyway. Resist the temptation to make an assumption. An assumption leaves us powerless, gives us nothing to do, but hope gives us power, it leads to action.

Which brings us to the last question we can answer: What do we do? Love. Pray. Be kind. Love takes many different forms. It means it is okay to be sorrowful, to mourn. It means it is okay to admit that you are angry, that you may even be angry at Gracie and you need to forgive her. Make that effort. It means it is okay to carry on, to enjoy life without her. To live life in her honor.

Continue to love God and neighbor through prayer. God knows our weakness; he knows our loss and he is patient with us. Even if it’s a feeble effort, continue to pray. As the first reading tells us, pray especially for those who have died to be freed from their sins. I have a list of loved ones I’ve lost and now Gracie is on it. I will pray for them until the day I die, and perhaps even after that. I recommend you do the same. Never stop praying for Gracie to know God’s peace. If she goes to heaven, if any of us go to heaven, it will be largely because of prayer.

Be kind to others. Everyone you meet is fighting their own battles. You don’t know what their burdens are. Don’t add to them. Make them a little lighter by being kind to everyone you encounter. If you know someone is really struggling, get help – don’t try to be a hero yourself. Let’s do everything we can to prevent this from happening again.

Why did this happen? Because the world is broken by sin, including Gracie, including us. I’m sorry there’s not a better answer. What next? Hope. Not the powerlessness of presumption or despair, but the power of hope that leads to action. What do we do? Love, pray, be kind. We are in this together and we are in this with God.

Gracie, I told you I thought you could use your voice to sing praise to God. May God’s mercy grant you that chance now. May the God of all consolation be with each of you. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul and all the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.