Dive, Don’t Fall

Fifth Sunday of Easter, Year C                                                                                  May 19, 2019
Fr. Albert                                                                                St. John the Evangelist, Jeanerette

You’ve been lied to… for basically your whole life. You’ve been lied to about love. What it is, how it works. Of course, you’ve also been told the truth. The question is, have you accepted the lie, the truth, or some combination? Jesus says: “love one another.” What is love?

Well, what is the lie? It’s the idea that love is some impersonal, magical force that you just have to follow. An attraction and passion which consumes you and compels you to do something and be with someone. We see this lie in almost every romantic book and movie over the last 100 years, and well before that. You hear it in comments like “just follow your heart,” “the heart wants what it wants,” “I fell in love,” or “I fell out of love” with this or that person. Some of you may be surprised that I say these things are lies. They might seem true to you.

But that’s just what makes them so dangerous. They are close to the truth; they have little pieces of the truth that make them compelling. It is true that our heart’s desires kind of just happen. It’s true that attraction between two people can just kind of appear and that it is very powerful. It’s true that passion can start or end relationships suddenly and forcefully. But they become lies when you say that you have to follow these desires. It becomes a lie when it is called “love” to justify recklessness, leaving a family, or being downright irrational.

Probably the biggest sign of our acceptance of this lie is how we look at the story of Romeo and Juliet. It’s seen as this great romance, and it’s treated like an ideal, a model to follow. Yet, Shakespeare never intended for people to say “oh, we should be like Romeo and Juliet.” It is a tragedy and kind of a satire. He is criticizing a false idea of love just as he is criticizing the foolishness of a family feud. Two people meet and in three days a bunch of people, including themselves, are dead all because they couldn’t take half a minute to stop and think beyond their emotions. That’s not love. It’s infatuation, it’s passion, and imitating it will leave you separated from God and miserable… possibly forever.

I’m not saying passion is evil, or that emotions aren’t real. They very much are a part of real love, but they do not create it, they should not control it, and you should not confuse love with feelings. So, what is the truth about love? Ask Jesus. “No greater love has a man than this, to lay down his life for his friend.” Romeo and Juliet did not lay down their lives, they destroyed them. And they didn’t do it for the benefit of the other, but because they didn’t want to live without the exciting feeling of being with the other person. That’s selfish. “I like the way you make me feel so much that I will kill myself without it.” Blech!

Human beings are more than feeling machines. We have our emotions and passions, but they are not everything. In fact, that is what we have in common with the animals. They have emotions and instincts and their entire lives are controlled by them. But we have what they do not: intelligence and free will. We can know the truth and ponder the mysteries of the universe. We can also make a decision based on our intellect without being controlled by emotion and instinct… we can even decide to act against those feelings. So no, real love is not an impersonal passion, a guttural instinct. That’s animal love. Human love is rooted in our minds and wills: to know what is good and choose to do it. To love God is to recognize the truth that He is the source of all goodness and then to choose to adore and serve him because of that. To love another person is to recognize that their existence is good, that they need God, and then to choose to do whatever serves that goal.

That’s why Jesus adds “as I have loved you” to his command, “love one another.” Jesus sees us for the children we are – he even calls his Apostles “children” – and he that we need to be saved. We need someone to show how to resist sin, so he resists all temptation. The threat of death forces us into evil, so he dies and rises again to show us that death doesn’t win. Sin leaves us in a spiritual debt we cannot pay back, so he offers his life to pay it for us. Do you think Jesus felt giddy in the garden? Do you think he felt exhilarated while on the Cross? Do you think he decided to do this because he just fell in love and couldn’t help himself? No. He agonized. He argued. He almost resisted. But then, he chose to do it because that’s what real love is. A choice. It is to recognize what is good and to choose it, regardless of our feelings.

Thanks be to God attraction and romance often help us choose to do the right thing for someone we love. Or that natural affection helps us choose the right thing for our children or friends. But those feelings aren’t the love, they are just accessories to it.

It’s true that the Apostles were found by Jesus. He happened to them much like attraction and passion and even grace happen to us. But then the Apostles had to choose not just to believe, but to be disciples, to follow, obey, and imitate him. St. Paul proclaims the gospel throughout the world, but he also leaves behind elders, leaders, priests to continue the relationship. He tells us “It is necessary for us to undergo many hardships to enter the kingdom of God.” Such is love. Not a flash of passion or primal urge, but a sustained choice that includes many joys and consolations as well as many trials and strains.

You’ve been lied to. The world is still lying to you. And all of us sometimes believe the lies. We know Jesus on the Cross is real love, but we try to mix in the more comfortable lie that love can be about what makes me feel good. Fight that temptation. When you hear “follow your heart,” say “no, I will lead my heart.” Choose what is good and your feelings will catch up. Mass can be boring, but if you invest, you’ll learn to enjoy it. A person can be annoying, but if you choose to love them, you can deal with it and maybe even appreciate what bothered you.

Love is not an accident like “falling” into something. It’s more like diving into something. Like seeing the water, choosing to dive in and choosing to stay there, to keep swimming against the current toward the source. Eventually, you’ll find that all the streams of real human love flow from the infinite springs of God’s love. And only God’s love can give what false love keeps trying to promise. Authentic happiness, real joy, and eternal life.